Sara (tipsyhippo) wrote in dear_you,
Sara
tipsyhippo
dear_you

Dear You

Dear You,

I've been listening to a lot of songs lately. The breakup kind. And I've been kind of disappointed. The emotions I'm feeling in regards to the breakup are that
a.) it didn't happen at all soon enough
b.) my life without you is amazing
And I've been having trouble finding any songs like that. I definitely am not experiencing any sort of hard feelings towards you. I feel more nothingness, and sometimes I feel sorry for you. But most songs that express this "wow I'm better off" sentiment, also express strong feelings of resentment.

That being said, I feel these things also need to be said:

-I realize I was a shitty girlfriend to you at times. A lot of that, I understand, was caused by our incompatibility. But other times it was caused by your lack of maturity.
-In our relationship, either you were completely ambivalent, or you were jealous. You gave little trust but expected droves of it in return.
-You need to grow up, and quickly. If you don't, you're going to be miserable for a long, long time.
-You made me feel the need to shrink down to your level in order to assuage your self-hatred.
-You only seemed happy when you were in a position to feel above me in some sort of way. When you were able to tell yourself that perhaps you were smarter than I am.
-You never believed in me. You said that it came from a place of exhaustion, because so many times I failed before. But, I think the reason I failed was because of you (see above). And in spite of the fact that you always, always gave up, I was always your biggest cheer leader. I do feel a small twinge of resentment when I think about that.
-You really, really are nothing more than your father's son. And you feel you are so much better than he is because you are childless, but you are amounting to nothing more than what he is. And the fact that you are childless, let me remind you, was 100% on me, as you refused to take part in any method of birth control.

I think I can finally say that I'm seeing someone, instead of saying that I'm just hanging out with them (you know how important verbiage is to me, and I know how much you hated that), and it makes me sad that they think I'm so amazing, and how new that feeling is. Well, I mean, the last six months, I have known myself that I am amazing. I have grown to love and appreciate myself and how fantastic I am. But someone else agreeing with that? It's sad to me that you would be with someone for so long who you didn't think was amazing. It's sad to me that I did the same.
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