29 December 2014 @ 03:01 am
Dear You,

I've been struggling on how to forget you. I already stopped communicating with you for the past 2 years in order for us to have peace in every aspect. I stayed away from you. No phone numbers and even social media, you've been erased to my life. There was no "You" and I lived so happy. And suddenly you broke that silence! I hate you for that. Why do you have to bother me?! Just a simple text from you after that long period, I can't imagine that the feeling I already buried suddenly rose again. I hate you for that. Because of your simple hello, I'm struggling again! I hate you.

I know we we're good friends back then--buddies! But we can't continue that anymore. Things have changed especially now. The time I chose to bury your memories and friendship was also the time when I realized that I've already fallen with you. AND we both know that we cannot pursue that and that realization I cannot admit to you--forever. I cannot admit that you've gotten my heart subconsciously! :'(

Anyway, if I already forgotten this feeling before, I can also do the same thing and this time this is for good. This may take a bit longer but that would be fine, I can cope up..

I hope...

The person that hates you the most,
I ( :P )
26 December 2014 @ 11:06 pm
Dear You,

"You are the only one who knows who I really am"
This is so true. You are making me into a different person. You love who I am now and not who I used to be. I don't know where I would be right now if I had never met you.

"When they say don't believe, I hope they see you and me"

Thank you,

Location: bed
Mood: gratefulgrateful
Music: Thousand Foot Krutch
26 December 2014 @ 09:10 am
Dear Blonde

It was you, who said " You can always talk to me, I have and will always been your friend" when I was going through self-harm, we talked once...... you never have said a word to me. It stopped if you were wondering, not like you care, all you did was use and hurt me.

YOU hurt me..
21 December 2014 @ 04:31 am
I was running your scripts in my mind and i THOUGHT that i would end up in tragic ruin if you never got the scripts. So i was trying to promote them through a hug, but i never got to it. Why? You dont know who i am. I am sorry. I love you.
19 December 2014 @ 03:33 pm
We're meeting next week for the first time in our 4 year friendship. The last year has been rough since you broke things off with me in a romantic view, and I've been struggling to accept that. You are a constant reminder of what was, and despite doing my best to put you in a friend mindset, there are things about you that keep pulling me back.

I'll joke with you, I'll laugh with you, but deep down, I wish those jokes were genuine. You've made me open to myself, you make me feel. You've...done things to my heart that no one else has ever managed to accomplish and I hate you for it. I love and hate you at the same time, but I'm sure you know that. You tell me you think deep down I harbor a hatred for you. The truth is, I do.

I'm afraid that when we meet all I'm going to want to do is pull you away from your..."boyfriend" and just kiss you. I'm afraid I won't be able to have impulse control since I've never held things back before. I'm just so afraid that this meeting will ruin our friendship because I decided to do something as stupid as kissing a straight girl. Maybe a part of me is hoping that...if I kissed you...you'll magically love me like that again.

I don't know why this is so hard for me to accept.

And I hate myself for it.
Your Best Friend
Mood: sadsad
17 December 2014 @ 10:09 pm

Udah gak kayak dulu lagi waktu awal-awalnya kita mulai berpacaran, saling membalas pesan dengan respond yang cepat, dan selalu ada kabar untuk satu sama lain. Aku tak tau kenapa kini semua telah berubah. Kini dirimu jarang ada kabar, kini pesan kau mulai low respond untuk membalas pesanku, aku tak tau apa penyebab dari perubahanmu saat ini. Aku hanya ingin kita kembali seperti dulu, saling ada kabar, dan selalu fast respond dalam membalas pesan.

17 December 2014 @ 09:25 am
Dear you,

I used to see you every day. Walking down crowded hallways, surrounded by your friends that were cooler than I could ever be. I saw you laughing and talking about things that I couldn't even guess at. I saw you falling apart and hiding it behind a smile. I don't know why no one else could see that you were suffering. Maybe they were too close to see the whole picture, while I was wishing I was closer so that I could try to help you change it. I wish that I'd had courage. I wish that I'd pushed myself through the fear until I came out the other side a stronger person. Someone strong enough to hold your world together until you could do it yourself.

I don't see you anymore. Not in person. Sometimes I look at your picture and wonder if I could have made a difference. I don't know if you would have let me but I'll always know that I should have tried. 
15 December 2014 @ 12:38 am
dear universe,

can you send someone my way that wants to stay up until 4 in the morning and talk about music?

thanks in advance.
14 December 2014 @ 11:10 pm
Hey! I Love you, I wish that you can remenber This everyday in your life, you Know it That i Love you and I know That you Love me, I Feel so happy that someone can Love me with my Stupid things And my Depressive, insecure, And Cold personality, i Love you so much And I'm scared, i can't tell you The Way that i Love you, i will die if you read this, i know that you Don't use This kind of things so i'm safe For a while, well I never understand Why you Love me, i Don't Love me a lot, But well i Don't hate me.
Thanks for love me, thanks for show me What is Love.
You Are my Peter Pan And I will search You in NeverLand.
I will be your Wendy And You will gift me my First kiss.

I express my feelings in This little And ridiculous letter that You never read, it will be lost amoung thousands Of letters, but if you read it, if not lost, And you understand What i Feel for you And therefore you smile, i will be happy.

Always Yours, Mei.

Sorry for my Bad english i'm learning so i can't have a very Good english..if i wrote something wrong, you can tell me, or well write, And i always said thanks.
12 December 2014 @ 08:11 pm

Dear Justin,

                  I don't know what you've got there in your personality that draw me every time we talk... I kinda hate that one because you always take my attention away from my work to you. It's like you are demanding an attention subconsciously which now I loath  but I can't hate you forever because such things don't last everlastingly. I don't hate you now and I like it. I just wanna ask you for a date but I couldn't for the reason that your peer circle is too heavy and too high to be friends with. Of course I want to fit in your group too and I don't want to be out of placed when we are around with your friends right? But I already know my destiny and the fact that we are never going to be together is such a pang pain in my heart but I am trying to accept it even though I am crying and hurting deep inside and it becames more painful when I knew that you have a crush and it is not me. I HATE IT!!! All I wanna is your attention... please.

26 November 2014 @ 11:59 pm
I can still close my eyes and see the first time I had the nerve to approach you and talk to you. I was 15. I can still see the horrible tile that lined our high school floors. I rounded the corner with my dearest friend at the time by my side. I walked toward you overly confident on the outside (terrified on the inside) and asked if i could run my fingers through your long luscious hair. I can still remember how those luxurious locks and lips i just wanted to kiss. You agreed to let me touch your hair (the silliest of 15 year old request especially now at age 27 i just cant help but laugh.) and then your friend came running up behind me jumped upward on the lockers to our side and humped them! We eventually dated while in high school and then you went off to college lived wild and free, as did I. And almost 4 years ago we crossed paths I thought it to be fate. We began to date and eventually live together. At first it was wonderful, but the last year there is more and more distance that grows between us and more deception from you to me... and lies.... they are killing me. You no longer act like this is what you want. You work ever so hard to drive deep wedges so every aspect of your life and my life are separated except for when you get off work and come home for dinner and sleep then we are a couple. Granted we don't talk unless I drill you with questions about your day, which is draining and feels more like i'm interrogating you which what kind of relationship is that? So I now spend a grate deal of my time outside chain smoking my cigarettes and sipping wine. So why torture me? What is your hidden agenda? What are your motives? Where is this going? I love you with all my heart but i am placed on back burner.
24 November 2014 @ 02:56 pm
Dear You,

I love you. So much. Read more...Collapse ) Not many people see how wonderful you are, but in my eyes, you are so special. There are so many things that I love about you; it's a shame that so few people feel the same way. I love the way that you always speak what's on your mind and aren't afraid to hold back. I love the way that you turn to me and talk to me like a normal person. Everyone else is so afraid to talk to me, afraid to hurt my feelings. Everyone else keeps their distance because of my "shyness" - but not you. I love how you don't shake your head at me or get ashamed of me when I fall. I love how you encourage me, even when no one else does. I love how you don't care about what anyone else thinks and still spend time with me. I love your honesty and sincerity. It's never awkward when I'm with you, and that makes me so happy. When I do something wrong, you tell me right away that I messed up - but you don't do it in a harsh way. You do it as a friend does, even though we're not even that close. When I ask you for help, you do everything you can to help me out. You listen to my problems and take the time to help fix them. No one ever goes that far for me. It's probably casual and not a big deal for you, but it makes me so, so happy. I can tell you whatever I'm thinking and not feel as though you'll think I'm weird or anything. I can't do that with anyone else. You were my motivation for everything... When everything was going wrong, I managed to pull through because I knew that you would be there to make everything better.

I miss you. So much. I hope that we'll be able to see each other again. I hope that you don't forget me, because I will never forget you. I love you.

Thank you for everything.
18 November 2014 @ 08:42 pm
Dear You,
I saw your wife and your 2 boys yesterday in a store that I usually don't go to. Total freak chance. You must be hunting, hopefully she's relieved knowing that at least you're not with me? I'm pretty sure she recognized me before I even saw her. Our eyes met for a second and then we both looked away, embarassed, for different reasons. She must have found me on Facebook (just like I found her) and studied my pictures because the only time we ever "saw" each other it was dark, she was crying and screaming and I was afraid and trying to hide from her.
It's been 15 years since you and I last last touched or more aptly, pulled away from each other. We knew it couldn't go on like that but I always wonder what we could have been. The hours we spent exploring each other's bodies, kissing, touching... the drives to the lake, the clumbsy, stumbles into the cool woods to be with each other, running through the city in the rain, finding a quiet bar, the whiskey mingling with our lust.
Even when we ran into each other a while back we felt the risk. I can push your memory away for a while but I can't ever forget.
Signed me,
The Other Woman 
Location: With my fiance
Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Music: Only Love Can Break Your Heart
15 November 2014 @ 08:07 pm
Dear you,
It's been several months since we've broke up. It's been a few months since we've even spoke. Today is your birthday, and more than ever I find you in the back of my head. I see you here and there around town, and I no longer feel my heart sink. But I still can't believe how once my best friend is now just a stranger I know a lot about. This time last year, I was gaining the courage to speak to you. Now I just wish I could forget you. You meant so much to me, I just don't understand how you can love me for months and share so much and make so many promises, then one day out of the blue just never speak to me again. I find myself late at night going over every single thing I could have possibly done to make you dissapear, but no matter how long and hard I try I can't figure it out. I know I'm not perfect and haven't been the best. But the last two weeks were magical and perfect. What could it have been? You promised no matter what happened you'd stay in contact with me. You would never shut me out again. But when I needed someone most where you? And now, after all this time, where are you? I wish I knew what happened, I wish I knew how to fix this, or how to move one and forget about you. I hope where ever you are tonight, that you're having a blast, that you're so happy, that you forget what it even feels like to be sad. I love you, Happy birthday babe.
09 November 2014 @ 10:39 pm
Dear you,
Things have ended between us years ago, yet you are still in my life. You're the person that keeps me happy and the person that will always keep me sad. I know that I am with someone else right now, but I just need a proper closure from you, so that I can lock away all these feelings for you.
06 November 2014 @ 12:51 am
Dear you,

I was walking and laughing with friends the other day when I saw someone walk past me. It was you. YOUR face- for just a second- before it transformed back into a stranger again. I have read books where people talk about seeing past loves everywhere around them, but had always thought of it as a metaphor, a way of underlining the loss one feels without the other person. But I SAW your face in that moment, and I literally felt like I couldn't breathe. My chest physically hurt at the thought of it being you. & as quick as you appeared, you were gone again.

The shockwave I felt of even possibly seeing you totally blindsided me. It's like my subconscious mind still searches endlessly through the sea of faces for a chance to see you again. But it's never you, because our timing is always 30 seconds too late. It became so frustratingly obvious that fate did not intend for us to be together, that after a while I just had to laugh. Almost as if God knew if we crossed paths enough, we wouldn't have moved forward with our lives.

Still, I can't help but wonder if you ever see me in the crowd too.
05 November 2014 @ 08:29 pm
I'm sorry for all the pain that you've encountered.
I'm sorry she wont ever leave.
I'm sorry that no matter what bandaid I put on you, it will always hurt.
I'm sorry that she always makes you skip and jump for no real reason.
I'm sorry that you wont ever beat the same again.
I'm sorry I wont ever be able to replace.
I'm sorry I cant erase the past, she wont ever change.

Please, my heart, let's heal these wounds.
Location: wonderland
Mood: restlessrestless
Music: Dance Gavin Dance - Lemon Meringue Tie
03 November 2014 @ 07:41 pm
Dear G,

I wish I could just talk to you and tell you how much I miss you. I wish you were still just an IM away. I saw today that all of your comments to me on my old journal were deleted and I just lost it. I have nothing left of our friendship besides the layout you made for me.

I always wonder what things would have been like if we had met in person that day. Would we have officially gotten together? Did you feel that way about me? Would you have just ended up leaving me for L three months later? Would we just have become life-long friends?

I saw you that day you were parked beside my car in the parking lot of my job. Even though you quickly put a magazine in front of your face, I knew it was you because of your hands. (That's kind of my thing. You and Brandon both have beautiful hands. lol @ myself) I wish I had just walked up to you then and said hello. I wish you had just walked up to me and said hello. Why didn't you ever just talk to me and tell me the truth? I gave you many chances to do so.

Oh well, that's all in the past. But I just want you to know that I miss our friendship so much. Our connection was really special and I'm so sad that it's gone.

If there's any chance that you see this, please talk to me. You know my name, just find me on facebook and message me.

Love Always,
27 October 2014 @ 08:24 am
To my first love,
I don't know why I keep coming back to you, even though you brought me so much pain. You started texting me and I think maybe our love was just not in the right time, but then until now; it is still not the right time. I love my boyfriend, but there will always be you; somewhere in my heart; a place that's only for you.
21 October 2014 @ 09:37 pm

To the guy I'll always love,

It's stupid for me to say that I love you. I barely know you now. At most, I have a school girl crush on you. That's silly because I'm in my fucking 20's. I love my boyfriend but, for some reason there will always be a place for you in my heart. You're the only person I ever cheat on my boyfriends with. Yeah, that's how strongly I feel about you.

You're kind of the reason that I needed to create this. I needed a place where I could type up everything I ever wanted to say to you, but can't.

Probably because I'm scared.

I'm scared of losing you. . . . That's funny. How can I lose something I never had? Well, I did have you in my bed, your bed, and your car.

You know, my feelings always reemerge when you start a conversation with me. That would be every few months. But then, you would just suddenly stop. I hate that.

I hate that you do that.

Why do you do that?
Do you hate getting close to me that much?
Do you hate me?

No, I don't think you hate me. If you did hate me then you won't bother trying to talk to me, right? Especially when you're on a god damn ship! Are you fucking kidding me? You don't talk to me when you're on land, but do when you're a fucking ship. Where it's hard for you to talk to me.

I really like it when you tell me it's hard for you to respond because you're on a damn boat. It's a great excuse to ignore my questions.

But really though, why do you do that?
Are you afraid your girlfriend is going to find out?

Speaking of girlfriend(s)..

Why did hit me up to come thru when you had a girlfriend?
Was she not enough?
Or did you just wanted to be with me?

Help me out here buddy. You're very confusing. You've gone a litte crazy. I have no idea how to go about this entire thing with you.

I wish I had the courage to send this to you.

But, I'm proud of myself for telling you to choose. Either be a friend or nothing at all to me.

To be honest, I want you to know how I feel, but I also don't want you to read any of this. You don't need to know any of this. You don't. But, I need to know. I really don't like not knowing, but I'll just have to live with it.

20 October 2014 @ 09:12 pm
Dear Nasal Congestion,
EFF YOU, go away.

Nobody likes you,
- The woman you currently won't leave alone.
20 October 2014 @ 04:54 pm
I wish that you'd talk to me. More importantly stop playing games or being too scared to tell me how you feel. I mean you just pop into my life send me a song saying "lord knows best when it comes to you that I don't care about anything but you" ask me if I wanna hang out and then just disappear. What am I supposed to think?! Send you ex a love song explaning exactly how I feel about you making me believe that you felt the same. I was so happy for that night. I had hope for once. I guess I thought you changed. Silly me. How could I ever expect you to be consitent? I forgot your popularity, your band....other people are more important than I've ever been. Idk why I expected to be any priority to you. I'm nothing, thanks for making me feel that way. I honestly though maybe you'd grown up, finally. I guess a zebra never changes it's stripes. I really believed in you. Even after everything you've done to ME! Kicked me when I was down. Left me for dead. Destroyed what was left of my life at my lowest point when I NEEDED you. I can forgive the stupid cheating thing, that was forever ago but I need a damn apology for that. I need to know you are truly sorry for being so cruel and basically seeing me on the edge ready to jump and basically screaming "jump bitch! Jump!" That hurt more than him dying. Just say SOMETHING! I'm begging you. If you still have any feelings for me I need to know. Not from some cryptic message but from YOUR fucking mouth. Or else I give up. You and I both know what you really need. Grown up and be a man. Cause right now, at 26 you're less mature than the 18 boy I fell in love with. Ok, I'm gonna go. Don't take to long....I might not always be here. Don't take me for granted if you care at all.
18 October 2014 @ 07:15 am
Dear A,

I know it's too late, but i want you to know that loving you was worth the pain. I never wanted for us to part, but maybe, just maybe, we were never meant to be together. I just want to say thank you for the wonderful times we had. And i want to say sorry dor being not the perfect guy. Sorry for making your heartache, sorry for making you cry. And i'm sorry for loving you. I know your happy now, and i hope it'll be forever. Hope the new guy will love and take care of you better. I wish ypu more happiness and goodluck. And yeah, i will always love you, not like before, but you can count on me :)