To the guy I'll always love,
It's stupid for me to say that I love you. I barely know you now. At most, I have a school girl crush on you. That's silly because I'm in my fucking 20's. I love my boyfriend but, for some reason there will always be a place for you in my heart. You're the only person I ever cheat on my boyfriends with. Yeah, that's how strongly I feel about you.
kind of the reason that I needed to create this. I needed a place where I could type up everything I ever wanted to say to you, but can't.
Probably because I'm scared.
I'm scared of losing you. . . . That's funny. How can I lose something I never had? Well, I did have you in my bed, your bed, and your car.
You know, my feelings always reemerge when you start a conversation with me. That would be every few months. But then, you would just suddenly stop. I hate that.
I hate that you do that.
Why do you do that?
Do you hate getting close to me that much?
Do you hate me?
No, I don't think you hate me. If you did hate me then you won't bother trying to talk to me, right? Especially when you're on a god damn ship! Are you fucking kidding me? You don't talk to me when you're on land, but do when you're a fucking ship. Where it's hard for you to talk to me.
I really like it when you tell me it's hard for you to respond because you're on a damn boat. It's a great excuse to ignore my questions.
But really though, why do you do that?
Are you afraid your girlfriend is going to find out?
Speaking of girlfriend(s)..
Why did hit me up to come thru when you had a girlfriend?
Was she not enough?
Or did you just wanted to be with me?
Help me out here buddy. You're very confusing. You've gone
a litte crazy. I have no idea how to go about this entire thing with you.
I wish I had the courage to send this to you.
But, I'm proud of myself for telling you to choose. Either be a friend or nothing at all to me.
To be honest, I want you to know how I feel, but I also don't want you to read any of this. You don't need to know any of this. You don't. But, I need to know. I really don't like not knowing, but I'll just have to live with it.