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30 April 2016 @ 11:51 am
Hello everyone!

It's time for a new writing prompt. Before I post one, just a reminder that if you need anything, please leave a comment on this post. Comments are screened and either chendamoni or I will respond as soon as possible.

In addition, please remember the formatting rules for all entries posted. This is a community for unsent letters - please have all posts formatted as "Dear {x},". Your letters should be written with the assumption that the recipient will not read them.

For the April writing exercise if you're seeking inspiration:
Write a letter to a person who was a source of inspiration for you in the past. This could be a mentor, a boss, a professor, or even a peer that encouraged you to be more than you were at the time. Tell them how you made them proud, how you let them down, or anything else you want them to know that they won't get to hear from you.

There will be a new writing prompt in about 30 days and any suggestions you have are welcome. Feel free to leave a comment below with an idea.

Happy writing!
30 April 2016 @ 03:36 am
Originally posted by sanshainsuta at A Continued Thought...
Dear _________,
I was going to write you that letter tonight, since we haven't really spoken in three days. I needed to get it all off my chest, but I'm not angry anymore. I see that you did this to push me away and be able to blame it all on me, you have always played the victim so well. I think it is ingrained in you. So we will pretend, be cordial until you move out. Pretend that it doesn't bother us, that we don't need, want or care about each other anymore...and living together will do that to people, there is such a thing as "too close". Remember we promised each other that we wouldn't let this happen? We for-saw it, like we do many things..and we let it happen anyway. I waver between anger and sadness. Confusion and frustration. Solidarity and loneliness. I know we will never get back the bond that we had, even if we remain friends. I wonder if it even occurs to you...if you can think about someone's feelings other than yours long enough to understand that you are the cause. You know what's difficult? The fact that I stood up for you, more times than you know of, to my family and friends, to your "friends" and your "boyfriend". Have I talked shit about you too, yes, of course when you're that close to someone, the person you always vent to, you don't know where to turn when they are the one hurting you or pissing you off. I'm human, but I never let anyone else talk shit about you and the few occasions I have was to not put myself in a position to choose between you and my husband. I know you do it about me too, to people I don't know and people we are both friends with. I got a message, and it agreed that you were essentially overreacting and that person didn't want to be around our hot mess any time soon. That you sent copies of my message and likely said how much of a bitch I was for not taking your emotional manipulation and calling you out on your pity trip. The funny thing, what made you fly into that self-pity was my sharp comment, that wasn't even mean! In fact, it wasn't about you...and that's where this all comes from, if it's not about you, it doesn't matter, I don't matter to you and I haven't for awhile. It started when I became your sounding board and you didn't care what my response was you just wanted to tell someone about you, then when I got irritated with that and tried to show you by doing the same to you, yes you felt the same way and you then made it a competition, no understanding, no caring, no real listening..you "one up" me every time I try to talk, again making it all about you. For someone with such low self-esteem you are definitely self-absorbed. I was depressed for months, all I could think about was how our relationship was falling apart, and when I finally snapped...I apologized, like I ALWAYS do, because you can't take people treating you the way you treat them, and you just can't understand how the way you act affects people. I tried to be honest, in that moment, I told you these feelings of not being listened to, of feeling like you didn't want to talk to me, you just wanted to talk, that I felt like you didn't care about anything I had to say...so I slowly stopped saying anything. And do you remember what your response was? You flat out said you didn't care! You said all I talk about is work and that you have no idea what anything I say means so you just pretend to listen and counter with the same. You said that, that is not paraphrasing!!! So yes, when I take time out of my busy life to spend with you for girls night, which was supposed to be a fun relaxing time (which you have been slowly able to drain and progressively make all about you) all you do is talk, rant and rage about your week, especially your irritations about work....and then get pissed when I get bored and look at my phone because I have stopped caring about your ranting about the stupid people at your job?? It's like this in the real world, if you tell someone essentially that you don't give a fuck about that aspect of their life, they will not put the effort in to give a fuck about that aspect of yours. What I really can't believe though, is that this whole blow up stemmed from the fact that I was taking care of my children and doing what I had told you way ahead of time I was going to do before we went out...that I WAS IGNORING YOU...THAT I HAVE BEEN IGNORING YOU...I haven't gone anywhere. You are the one that stopped giving me the time because you do not like my children...and yes, I resent you for that..I shouldn't, I know, I shouldn't have expected you to love my children, I just thought with as close as we were that you would, and that is my fault and something I personally need to get over. But liking them or not, they are my children. I'm far from a perfect mother, but I do try, and my children will always come first. So, the fact that you hide in your room to not have to deal with my husband, who is never home on the weekends, or my children who are always here is not my fault. I cannot come upstairs and hang out with you and leave them downstairs long enough to take a shower, let alone to hear about your entire week. However, you could put up with the distraction of them long enough to talk to me if you really wanted to spend time with me, but you don't. And what really gets me, even when you do want to hang out with me, like last weekend, and asked me to get a baby sitter for the whole day (not possible) and I told you pick something we could do in 2 hours, you leave, you go do the things you asked me if I wanted to do with you with out even saying anything while I am desperately trying to find a sitter. Then come home with things for my children, which I thought was amazing, you cared, you were thinking about them...but then you just had to tell me how much you spent on them instead of yourself because you couldn't find anything you liked, and I instantly felt guilty, like you felt the need to put a worth to your kindness, same with offering to buy lunch, that we were going to share and you getting me my own with out telling me, I was so happy and thankful, until you had to mention that you spent $50 on it, again putting a price on your kindness. I DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY. I DON'T NEED YOUR GIFTS. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUY MY ATTENTION!!! In fact, that makes me want to stay away from you. Even when told you are needed, that you are missed, that you not being around was hurting me, you still chose not to do it, not to listen and to tell me you didn't care but try to make up with it with gifts. That is exactly what my parents did my whole life. So while yes they were there, they were never there, but no one has had it as bad as you. No one's feelings or past can compare to yours. It can't have a devastating effect on their personality and feelings that can be unintentionally be taken out on you, because that's not fair, you had nothing to do with it, right?! So why is it that people who want to be close to you have to walk on eggshells to not get an emotional outburst against them or have you storm off? Why is it that you can't say, "hey, are you ok? I was just making sure that going out was still something you wanted to do, I know you've had a long day, so have I." I mean, that's how you would expect me to respond if you had said, "I'm still going, you don't have to if you don't want." Not storm off to my room, throw a "how dare she" pity party, I'm going to tell her exactly how angry I am with a facebook message, that she did not address me when I got home (even though we had set plans and she was doing exactly what she told me she would before we both got home, knowing there could be a delay before we could go), and that the past few weeks she has been blatantly honest bordering sarcasm with me since I have completely secluded myself and only come downstairs for food, only doing dishes when I need them for my lunches and even then getting upset when they are in the sink "dirty" (please note, they were taken out of the dishwasher that way, they had not gotten all the way clean and were waiting to be put into the next load anyway! THEY HAD NOT BEEN USED, and if it wasn't an issue if someone did use them, why couldn't you just have done the damn load with out saying anything about it? Instead you make a point to say if they are used, that person needs to wash them, because you bought them for you? You have completely been able to use all of our dishes with no strings attached, to leave them in your room for days, to use them to cook and eat, with an original understanding that you would help with dishes and cooking, but slowly stopped doing that too, and still no stipulations attached! But I digress..) Getting that emotionally manipulative, bitchy, guilt tripping message didn't make me feel bad. I already felt bad, because I think about how my tone and actions effect people. I was half-way through a text apologizing and explaining why I was short and trying to rectify the situation, until I read what you sent. If you'd have said you weren't ok and asked if we could talk for a moment, I'd have been up there in a heartbeat and apologized face to face and explained, but you threw that anger you've been holding on to, that you've been blaming me for for a long time now, that you brought upon yourself, right at me in black and white. I stopped feeling bad or wanting to apologize or even wondering why I keep trying so hard for nothing but guilt and double standards in return. The easiest way to get someone not to care is to tell them they don't care. Not say "I feel like..." or "It seems like..." but "but you don't care." To be perfectly honest, I feel like your text was more pissy than mine! Mine was just honesty, not sarcasm. I don't have the energy to expel anymore when I have 2 children and a husband that do the same thing. A 40+ hour a week job and a household to maintain. You have changed too, spending so much time with you, your true colors come out. Your double standard of being able to say anything you want to anyone in the guise of sarcasm and them not having a right to be offended, but godforbid anyone say anything that might remotely upset you, they can never live it down!! You don't let them, you bring it up any time you can and you hold on to it for you lifetime. I know things between us will never be the same, because if I want you in my life at all I never dare say ANY of these things to you as they will be daggers every chance you get, angry or not, used to guilt my conscience into hearing/getting/saying what you want or just plain to make what you do/did seem a lesser evil, or to get pity. Do I complain a lot? Hell yes! I know this! That is all I have! I don't have free time. I don't get to relax. I don't get a release...Literally to the point where I have to be on medication daily so I don't have a meltdown, and IT'S MY FAULT because I'M IGNORING YOU?????? Not to mention telling you to come talk to me and you continue to be manipulative and throw my words in my face, even when your people on your facebook on a message you post about the situation say the same damn thing I told you, and that yeah, that's exactly what you did, it's ok to do that sometimes...you can't even own up to that??? You get bitchy with them too?!!! To be honest I think we are jealous of each other. I'm jealous that you have freedom, that you have alone time, that you have unlimited options if you just had the damn gumption to take them and you are jealous because you always thought you'd have what I do, a decent job, kids and a husband and settle down because you hate being alone. I think this might be it, not by my choice but the choices you have made the past few days to still not talk to me about it, after telling me you weren't ready you were too angry and I was over it. Over the drama, over the eggshells, over expending energy I don't have for someone who can't see that I am trying to keep them a part of my life when I have already dropped everyone else, EVEN FAMILY!!!! But I am not enough for you anymore, you have learned what you needed to from me, you have drive, you have purpose, you have confidence and you have pride, many of these you were previously lacking, and it's solace to know that even if it does end like this, that I was able to be there for you when you needed me most, that I was able to, if nothing else, be a lesson that you never forget, for good times and bad. I will always love you, but even love has to evolve to carry on.
29 April 2016 @ 09:06 pm

Never have eye ever been so sad in my life.
I would love to meet you one day...
whether you're still alive or not...
I STILL want to meet you. (Nothing compares 2 U)
But until that time comes, you will forever be missed.
XoXo -Purple Princess
Music: Prince I wish you Heaven Prince let's go crazy
28 April 2016 @ 04:21 am

Dear you,
I am considering contacting you again. You'll probably tell me to fuck off (at least that's the worst scenario in my head) but I think since I think about you so much it'd be worth a try. I want to apologize for certain things I have said. Not everything though, just a few things. I see your picture sometimes and I almost contact you but I don't. Then, I think.. what if something happened to you and I was too much of a coward to say anything? I'd feel terrible. I wish I knew what runs through your head when you think of me.

26 April 2016 @ 10:12 pm
Dear C, my Aquarius, my Cosmic Love,

I'm sorry for everything I've done. I love you more than you will ever realize. I loved you more than anyone I've ever met, even my family and friends. I hope you are sorry for what you've done, too.

I'm sad we had to grow apart. I spent 6 wonderful years with you, but the last two were the least wonderful. I constantly wonder why it had to be this way. Why couldn't you have just tried? We would still be together. We were supposed to get married. But then you basically gave up and started to ignore me. I couldn't come home to you every night and be ignored anymore. It hurt to experience then and it hurts to think about now. I had to leave you. You tell me you never would have left me, but then I know we would still be unhappy together. And now I wonder if I lost my only chance at love in this life.

You were everything to me. It has only been six months since we've parted. Some days, I'm completely fine and I know that we are better apart. But then I remember everything we shared and created together. I miss your fudge brownie colored eyes and your soft, blue flannel pillow case.

We are still friends. We still respect and love one another. I wish our relationship didn't have to crumble. Maybe we will meet in another life. Until then, I will try my best to move on without the man I saw as my husband.


Your Libra
26 April 2016 @ 08:31 pm
Dear you,
The way you answered me today was completely rude. You said the words I never expected to hear from you and you just treated me as if all our experiences had meant nothing to you. I must say that even in the distance, and although I am trying to forget you, you continue hurting my feelings with pleasure. What for? I’ll see you back to me crying as you did some weeks ago.
25 April 2016 @ 07:40 am
I know I am a terrible person. I'm selfish, a bitch, and have little empathy.
But I can't always hate myself like you think I should. Is it possible to fully hate one-self?
Why can't I change and ask for forgiveness for all that I've done? Why don't I feel sorry?

I honestly don't know. Before I can change I have to want to change. And I just don't.
At least not yet.
24 April 2016 @ 02:51 pm
Dear you,
We met....you transformed my life that very day. We talked...for hours and days and weeks catching up like old friends although we had never crossed paths before. We laughed...until we cried. We understood...without words. We felt...as deep and silent as the ocean. We hoped...for a different ending to our tale.
We loved...did I forget to mention how much we loved? Our love lifted the clouds of loneliness bathing us in it's glory for a glorious, yet brief, span of time.
In time we cried...without shame daring anyone to shun what we were...
We mourned...the loss of what should have been. I can now after many years say thank you, dearest love, for I am better for having loved you.
24 April 2016 @ 10:55 am

I wrote this the day after Prince died.

It's raining purple in my/our purple family world now.
I am so very sad.
I'm going to miss him forever.
We've lost a very good creative artist just yesterday.
he was a man of Purple, and had a voice of many colors.
He was a chameleon in a lot of different ways.
But I believe that his soul still only belonged to one divine being.
This was too soon.
at only age 57.
He was the Prince of pop LeGenD.

You've got a heart and soul that would make anyone dance.
You've always been the funk to my rhythm and the rhythm to my funk.
And what can I say...? your genuine creativity inspired/inspires me in many different ways You were/are also the inspiration to my faith, even if it's just you as a human being alone, being the wonderful person that you were. Your rain was the purple in my life, and your purple is now the rain in my life and in our purple family.

Prince Rogers Nelson...
May your beautiful soul and good music live on forever!
you will forever be missed, and loved.
May you continue to live on ~~~ FoReVeR~~~

-June 7, 1958 – April 21, 2016
Mood: sadsad
Music: Purple rain/gold/holy river/the cross/the times
23 April 2016 @ 12:33 am
("My goodness" hmmm...)

You're that one twisted sadistic devil that I just can't get out of my head right now... lol (and I know that it's you... quit playin'!) that's how I know it's you, you twisted sadistic FUCK. xD XP lol
22 April 2016 @ 09:49 pm
Dear you,

I honestly can't believe that after all of this time... I still hope I'm going to see you again. I guess I'm glad at least that it's for different reasons now.

I want you to see how well I'm doing. I want you to remember that you made a mistake by treating me the way you did. I supported and loved you through the abuse and the alcoholism... and repaid me by cheating on me and abusing me mentally, emotionally and physically while you drank yourself into complete darkness. I want you to remember the change I helped you to accomplish and the amazing job you had. I want you to remember me picking you up whenever you needed help and holding you while you cried on my shoulder and spoke words of kindness in the same 24 hours of you tearing me to shreds. I want you to remember me standing up for you when you didn't deserve it. I want you to remember that even though you didn't deserve me, at all, that I still stayed by your side because I know what you can do if you escape yourself one day. If you escape your self-loathing, your insecurities, your alcohol abuse...

I want you to see that I can do all of this without you. That I didn't NEED you- I chose to be there. I'm not falling apart without you... I am the best I've been in years. And even though you can't let go of all the terrible things that are holding you back... I let go of the one thing that was holding ME back.

Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Music: Ghost by Jake Miller
22 April 2016 @ 02:55 pm
I also am aware that for those who have known me, know how I write/type/and express myself... so I also know, and can assure you that it is easy to pinpoint me out anywhere. and I'm sure you know it, and I know it. so we'll leave it at that. lol

but honestly though.. I don't dwell on just one person. I don't talk to just one person. I talk to a lot of people. so you gotta note/know that too.
And I don't just stay in one place for too long... once I've gotten all my stuff out into the universe... I move on. I move on, and now I'm free. free indeed, and I really love life right now. Life is great! xD xP do you? lol
22 April 2016 @ 01:36 pm
Dear You,

He doesn't care. You did that. Not me.
Stop using me as a scapegoat for your shitty personality.
22 April 2016 @ 03:44 am
Dear you,

This will be the last time I write, thinking of you as I do. This needs to be let go. I often wondered why I hadn't written to you here, feeling as I did. I wrote plenty alone, privately. But those were to myself. This is to you.

I think, now, that love has been hijacked from its original purpose. It tells you infinitely more about the lover than the loved. I asked you once why you thought we fell for the people we do - but really, you were none the wiser. The answer is probably that we want to be saved from who we are. Not only the conviction that someone can complete you, but that someone can make you anew.

I have looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing in the universe. I have loved you like you were the only thing in the universe. What a purely ridiculous and ridiculously pure thing to remember, the absolute conviction that within you burnt a sun behind eyes radiating sapphire. And you half knew it.

I'd be only half wasting my time if I wondered what gemstones you could possibly see in me. You threw compliments at me like currency, but if each of them represented a number - and I couldn't help but add them up - they were nothing. You were the space between the numbers. Twenty two, twenty three? What gave? Against infinity?

What sustained this subjective schizophrenia? Abject self-loathing. What did you do to cure it? Make it ten times worse. Your very existence drove me to death - to bury myself in stone, and of course you were the only thing stopping me.

I woke from this torrid, melancholic, helpless stupidity after the realisation that you were actually as broken as I was.

We both made a pact - never to stop searching, never to be content. But after being dragged, kicking and whimpering through incompleteness after incompleteness, my focus is finally changing; away from you, away from me minus you, away from you minus me;

; towards everything else. It isn't poetic, or romantic, it is hard and cold and garish and obtrusive but it is real. It is objective. There is a lot of it. There is that much to be said for it.

This is goodbye, in the important sense. I am now free to go places you want me to go but don't want to follow. You'll be happy to know this. I am sad, because I am now more free than you, and you did the freeing. Someday, perhaps you will be free too.
16 April 2016 @ 02:00 pm

Dear Jeff,
I almost didn't go in yesterday. My anxiety about leaving the apartment gets pretty bad and I usually end up emotional because I get so terrified. And then I let myself feel overwhelmed with that fear plus guilt for not being strong enough. But I knew I had to keep going to therapy or else I will always be hiding away from the world. And I don't want to hide anymore. So I pushed myself out that door and drove to see you. I had a panic attack on the way but I fucking kept going. I was not going to let my fear own me. I am tired of always being afraid. I am tired of not taking care of myself. I know you are just doing your job but you chose to do this work and you do it so incredibly well. You make me feel so comfortable and I realize how silly I am for panicking. I want you to know how grateful I am. I know I already have told you "thank you" a million times but I feel like the words "thank you" don't even show my gratitude enough. I would love to paint something for you but that may be weird. You are just so polite and understanding. Like I said, I know it is your job but you really seem to enjoy it. Your positive and fun energy really makes it easy to open up to you. And opening up has always been a real hard thing for me. You are awesome. Thank you for being so awesome. Thank you times a trillion.

12 April 2016 @ 01:30 pm
Dear you,

I had convinced myself that this date didn't mean anything to me anymore. I was wrong.

Happy birthday, wherever you are.

Mood: sillysilly
09 April 2016 @ 12:20 pm
Dear you,
We're really great friends. We help each other get through the grind of life and chat throughout the day. We joke around and have funny conversations. But lately, you've stopped talking to me. I miss you and I don't know how to approach you. I know you're going through a little stress, but that's no reason to shut everyone out. I've been helping your business and giving you tons of support. The least you could do is be a friend. Why am I spending so much time trying to help your business when you won't even chat to me? It sounds like I need to reevaluate our friendship/my involvement with you, but it pains me! We have such a great friendship. I don't have any other good friends like you. It would suck to let this friendship fall apart but I don't know what else to do. I'm also tired of worrying about it and giving so much thought to it. Please chat to me again. It's making me sad.
05 April 2016 @ 01:57 pm

Dear you,
I am so happy you are in my life. We are amazing together as a team. I have so much fun with you and you always manage to get me pumped up and feeling like I can do anything. Thank you for that. Thank you so much for being my friend.

05 April 2016 @ 12:17 pm
Tomorrow will be two weeks since you broke up with me. It's been the longest two weeks of my entire life. I'm still a wreck a good portion of the time, but there are some times when I feel like I have it together.
I was thinking about you today on my way home from my eye appointment. But then again when am I not thinking about you? You even find your way into my dreams these days.
I was trying to rationaliza and summarize our relationship into something explainable. Still trying to full grasp it. Our relationship can easily be divided into two significant sections.
The first six and a half years you were a MESS. Going through a divorce. Lived in three different states. A handful of jobs, and a long period of unemployment. Alcoholism. That would be a huge chunk of it. You were drunk most of the time those years. Plus the drugs. Of course most people these days don't see weed as a drug, but I do, and I pretended for those years not to know you were smoking all the time when I wasn't around. During these years you begged me half a dozen times to move in with you. You reasoned that I would bring stability into your life and that you could achieve anything if I was there. I couldn't see past your mess. I couldn't accept bringing my son into that life. I didn't want to be the one that paid the bills and washed the sheets when you pissed the bed because you were drunk.
That was the first six and a half years. A mess. And God help me.... I loved you so deeply. So very very much.

And then one day you fell from a second story window and shattered your arm. Did you think you were going to die while you were falling? Whatever thoughts you had, it was life changing. Within a few days of your fall you stopped drinking. In a brightly colored cast you went and got a job, which you stuck to. This began the second stage of our life. The last year and a half.
I watched in amazement as you pulled yourself together. I was so afraid you would back slide, but day after day you proved yourself. Cutting of ties with the bar friends. Showing up to work and working so hard. I was so proud of you. The alcohol puffy weight quickly fell off. This lean muscled handsome man evolved before my eyes. After about 6 months of sobriety we had a talk about the weed. I told you that I pretty much knew. That it was ok. As long as you respected me not to smoke in front of me, I was ok with it. You were so relieved. For seven years you hid it from me (badly), but lying to me and hiding it took a toll. Once we were open about it, you stopped smoking cigarettes. Another horrible vice fell away. A rock that had been tied around your neck for so long. Again I was proud of you. and even more in love with you.

Again we talked about moving in together. Not an emotional desperate plea this time, but a rationale discussion. I was two and a half years into a four year lease, and we began to talk of what we would do once my lease was up. We talked of moving 3000 miles away to Seattle and starting fresh in a new place. The three of us. The last 12 months for us were rocky. We had a lot of really good times, but I felt like you were becoming distant from me, and I didn't react very well. The more you brushed me off the needier I felt. There was a building resentment on both sides. You had been lonely for the past 7 years. Maybe that was acceptable with the beer goggles on, but you were a changed man, and it was no longer acceptable. I was excited, more expressive of my love and ready to make future plans, and hurt by your resentment.
I think you were finally thinking about cutting the next thing out of your life. Me. Now that you are sober, have money, a healthy physique, and a clear head, you were realizing that you really didn't love me any more. Not enough to make these plans that I was making. The more you thought about it, the more you pushed me away, the more we fought.

Two weeks ago you finally went cold turkey and cut me off. Part of me feels thrown out like your last pack of cigarettes. Hurt. Devastated. The part of me that loves you deeply is glad. Glad that you had the strength to do what you felt was best for you at that point in your life. I love you so much I want you to be happy. I want you to find love. I want you to laugh and smile.

Just wave from time to time when you drive pass the dump. You know.... the place your last pack of cigarettes and me sit together.
04 April 2016 @ 09:45 am
March 4, 2016

Entry number 01.

Hi Rose!
I made this journal para sayo. Ang cute cute mo kasi.

0) I'll use Rose as a codename for Him since it is closer to his second name.
1) He is Godly.
Life verse: Galatians 2:20
2) He don't like cussing.
Facebook comment: "Akala ko minura mo na ako 😡😢😅😅."
3) He's very curious about something that is not familiar to him.
"Anong mga paniniwala?" We were talking about superstitions and beliefs then bigla nalang syang nagappear ad nagtanong. Cute.
"Bat Gardo?" It's what my friends call me.
4) He likes to headbang when the music plays.
5) He likes to play guitar & piano too.
6) He loves being a scout.
He's the Chairman of Boy Scouts of the Philippines batch 2015-2016 and I'm a Girl Scout.
7) He's lazy but it makes him cuter.
Rose: "Mam himala natapos ako!"
8) He's quite but funny.
Rose: "*dancing weird with pokerface*"
9) He likes someone. Maybe.
Me: "*breaks my *"
10) His handkerchief is always blue.
11) He's a good friend.
12) He likes to make weird faces.
Me: "*smiles*"
13) He remembered me.
Rose: "Maaalala mo rin yan."
14) He's cute, whatever he do.
Rose: "*runs* *walks* *talks* *plays guitar* *smiles* *laughs* *sings* *dance* *jumps* *headbangs* *reads Bible* E V E R Y T H I N G."
15) He loves to sing even he's out of tune.
Rose: "You, you, you! "
16) His voice makes me smile.
Me: "..."
17) He's a leader.
18) He don't care about me, I guess.
Me: "..."
19) He's always having a 1 second eye contact with me.
Me: "*looks at him, he's looking at me, too.*"
20) He gives me false hopes that I am hoping for.
Me: "Staph."
21) He remembered my name.
Rose: "Sya si Geremay, si Geremay." I'm Geremay Hi.
22) He doesn't look like a baby anymore.
Me: "Hindi na sya masyado mukhang baby, parang pumayat yung cheeks nya waaah."
23) He likes to introduce his friends to us.
Me: "I already know their names, I just want to hear your voice." My mind said.
24) He makes me feel this chills.
Me: "Pero nawawala yon pagmalapit sya sakin parang natutula ako na hindi ko alam irereact ko."
25) His trademark for me is his bag.
Me: "Omg bag ni Rose, nandito syaaa."
26) He makes me jealous.
Me: "Nakakainis."
27) He makes me hope for us, again.
Me: "Dear Tadhana, Ang gulo gulo mo."
28) He makes me want to know him more.
Me: "Tiga san ka ba talaga? May girlfriend ka na ba? Sino yang sinabihan mong 'Babye, love you' ha? Sino ba ako para sayo? Ano ba ako para sayo? Gusto kita, magugustuhan mo rin ba ako?"
29) He makes me feel curious.
Me: "Ano kayang nararamdaman mo pag aksidenteng naga-eye to eye tayo?"
30) He has the characteristics that I admire.
Me: "Woah, naguiguitara sya, nagpapiano, magaling pa magdrawing, ang Godly pa, sweet sila ng family nya at ang cute cute nya."
31) He makes me question myself.
Me: "Ano kayang tingin nya sakin? Ano kayang nararamdaman nya sakin? Ayaw nya ba sakin? Pero sana magustuhan nya rin ako."


Mood: lovedloved
Music: Little Things by One Direction
02 April 2016 @ 06:41 pm

Yes, I’ve had some
really good times
with you

what can I say…?

You were my best friend
with a smile

you were the sunshine
to my happiness,

the yellow to my world

you were that bright ray
of fucking sunshine to me
every single blessed fucking day!

when we would walk down
the streets together,
the flowers beside of them and us
would just be dancin’!

the sweet fragrance of the summer air,
with flowers breezing through the air,
would smell just angelic!

what can I say…?

You were the ying to my yang.

I don’t know what the fuck happened to us, man?
was I just too head over heals fallen for you,
that you just couldn’t handle it?!

I mean you had a
future and career
ahead of you…
I couldn’t stop that!
I must have been
just too much for you,
or somethin’!

what happened, man? what happened…?

college happened.

And then LIFE happened.

and then time went on.

and it moves on.. quickly,

but yet still so slowly, and painfully.

Just admit it, I had fallen too hard for you,
and you, (my best friend) couldn’t handle it.

and I was holdin’ you back.
I was a distraction, man..
admit it!

Your answers are still pending...

Too much time has gone by,
and I’ve done a lot of thinkin’!

but it’s ok though,
I’ll understand,
and I can handle the truth.

your answers are still pending...

I love the true colors,
the colors could shine as bright,
just as much as our
best memories together did then.

Really man..
come on
think about it…
despite how both of our lives ended up now
just think that all we really need in the here
and NOW is CLOSURE..that we never did get.

Your answer is still pending...

Where IS it?!
I’m still waiting.
give it to me, please!
so that we’ll both stop this
nonsense mess,
of the "tag!", you're it!"
game, come get me!
If you know who you
are...send me a fb
message already.

my answers are still pending,

as to why I deleted you..

so ask me why already.
my decision was really

nothing to do with me,

so I will tell you why.

This is NOT a game,

trust me

You know who I am,
and you know where
to find, and contact me.
It's a new season now...
and it's the final season for
closure ;).

Our questions and answers are still pending...
02 April 2016 @ 03:11 am
Dear You,
I should be able to say these things to you. I don't know why I don't.
I am such an ass, but you already know that. You are too kind to point out the fault in me. You are too kind to put me in my place.
I am so arrogant, so pompous. You ground me. You are so kind, so, so kind. I have never met anyone like you. You love people, and because of that I fell in love with you.
But I am such an ass.
In spite of all of this, I don't feel challenged anymore. We aren't pushing each other. It's been too long.
I fall into this arrogant mind-play and I'm sorry. I don't feel stimulated anymore.
So, while you are the ass, one day I will break your heart. And you won't deserve it.
01 April 2016 @ 06:03 pm
“Tag!! you’re it!”
we say as small children,
As we touch tap the main person
who we want to chase after us,
until, they finally catch up
with us, just so that we can
chase after them.

And then the game goes back and forth
all over, and on and on again
We only play that game
when we want each other bad enough.
And we still do. But sometimes though,
it’s a combination of tag and hide and go seek.
we hide, they find, they tag, we tag.
sound familiar?
We are the introverted discreet ones who
are still extroverts. Our introverted selves hide,
while our extroverted selves, want to be found, and
tagged as we tag at the same time.
Sound familiar?
the games… it’s what we do.
01 April 2016 @ 02:49 am
I really don't care anymore...
Truth is, I've stopped caring.
And to be quite frank, I don't
really like/care too much for
the people who have exalted themselves
up there on their high horses anyway... xD xP
To me, it's just a turn off to my heart/mind. lol
And to be honest with you...
it actually makes you
look even more worse altogether
with your self-righteous pride alone,
than... than... than ME altogether even!!! :0 *GASP!!!*
LOL Have good day, my dear LOL!!!!!
And try not to let ME knock you down off your pedistol,
quite frankly, I think that you can do a good job
& get clumsy enough to
do it all by yourself! L O L .
25 March 2016 @ 10:29 pm
Dear You,

So you've made some really unnecessary enemies out of insecurity. I wonder what you think you've gained from it.
Your letter attempting character assassination on 3 different people shows how hateful and unhappy you must be. Maybe someday you'll calm down and stop targeting others with your misery.
I'm actually grateful you've shown your true colors. And soon, I know I won't be angry or bitter anymore. It's been a very long time since you've even been mentioned. I'm more at peace every day.
As of now, I'm just really happy we no longer see each other.
And I'm very relieved I never opened up to you.
I always felt there was something ugly bubbling beneath the surface.

I chose the only person in the group worth keeping.
This is the best way it could've turned out.