I've done all that I can at this point, and it just doesn't seem to be enough for you. Maybe you're realizing now what kind of damage your actions are capable of causing, or maybe you just don't care. I don't have the slightest idea what goes on in your mind because you never say how you feel. You never said it when it mattered and could have saved us, and you still won't say it, when it has the ability to save me.
You know you messed up. You know you hurt me. I guess I can't say that you don't care, because if you didn't, you would be allowing yourself to just keep hurting me. I find it funny though that now is when you decide to care, and now is when you decide to worry. You couldn't have spared me all of this heartache almost a year ago? You couldn't have just stayed away? It almost feels like all this ever was to you was some kind of selfish game to see how far you could go, and how much damage you could cause. And if that really is the case, congratulation! You won! Because you successfully worked your way back into my life, became something incredibly significant to me, let me fall in love with you, shattered all of it, and left me alone, again. I thought last time was the worst that could happen, but this time really makes me wonder what I see in you, what I think is so agonizingly beautiful about you that I want to fight this hard for you. I know I have nothing left to prove to you, but still, I can't stop.
You don't think there's anything to say to me, huh? How about, I'm sorry? That's the least you could do is just apologize, let me know that you feel some type of remorse, some type of anything. How about, you tell me that you want me to give up. Even if its a lie, just say it. Because I can't sit around for another year and wait for you to say you're sorry and this entire repetitive cycle starts over again. I won't do it this time. I've sat here for over a week now, waiting for the missing me to settle in. For you not to be able to stand it like I haven't been able to tolerate how much I miss you. For you to stop punishing me for a mistake that you made. But you wont. I see that now. You're going to be a selfish coward and not even bother to try and fix the heartbreak and damage that you've caused, which is even more heartbreaking. I was supposed to mean something, to be something.. and all I wound up being was nothing. Just someone you could turn your back on, give up on, and have no second thought about. I told you that I would do all I could to try and forgive you, and I meant that. Because if forgiving you is what I need to do to keep you in my life, I will do that. You forgave me for violating your trust when I told your best friend what I told him, when you should have been the one I told. You were trying to regain your trust towards me. I know this is bigger, but betrayal is betrayal, no matter how big or small it looks from an outside perspective, it still feels the same. I won't fight you, I won't hold things against you. Part of forgiveness is letting go. Not forgetting, but choosing not to punish someone forever for making a mistake. Just like I did, and just like you did.
Sadly, the acceptance of this reality is setting in. For the first few days, I refused to cry. I refused to believe any of it even happened. It all felt like a dream. And then, you finally said something. And that something was that you didn't know what to say. And after all of it, I told you I was willing to fight for you, knowing how I feel, I can't let that go. And all you could still say was... "I don't know, Emily". Almost a week ago. Do you need that long to think? Because the longer you can go without so much as dropping a line to see how i'm doing, makes me feel like you never cared.
All in all, if you aren't willing to try and fix this now, as hard as this is for me to say, I need you to stay away this time. We can't do this again. I hate giving ultimatums, but my heart cant handle this anymore. Either you try, or you don't. But whatever choice you make, I hope it's the right one.