First of all, this isn't a love letter, it's a confession for myself so that I can bleed out and hope you never come back.
It's 7 AM when I miss you the most because I'm still in a dreamlike state. I've forgotten yesterday and I have to start anew, and you of all people should know that new beginnings are scary unless you have someone from the past with you. Well, I don't. Not at this time, anyway.
It's because everyone's still sleeping and I'm wondering if you are, too, and I'm wishing that you were next to me and thinking I wouldn't mind watching you sleep for a little while. But I quickly get rid of that thought knowing it's useless, I'm just torturing myself.
It's because my bed and my table and my room is a mess from last night and I feel like crap for not being careful enough to clean up before I passed out when you would have told me, "It's late, go get some sleep." And even if you didn't I would have woken up this morning determined to fix everything just to show you that I'm responsible, so that you wouldn't have to worry. I can't do that for myself.
It's because I stare at the clock thinking about what I have to do today and the responsibilities overwhelm me because for once I just want to rest, I want for someone to hold my hand and tell me that when this is over we can go treat ourselves to a nice restaurant or whatever or something, something to keep me going when things are hard. And I know it's stupid but even just a text from you while I'm doing my work would make everything so much better, I don't know why but when it's from any other guy I get irritated. (Of course I don't mean friends, I mean guys who are interested in me.)
I feel awful because I know that I could and would replace you, thinking "Oh, I wouldn't mind if this person were my boyfriend" and yet I sit here whining like I'm still in love, I'm not.
I guess I shouldn't say I miss you, you'd get the wrong idea though I doubt you'll ever lay eyes on this dumb letter. I guess I miss the things we used to do and the way you used to make me feel. But I'm not strong. I'm barely strong enough for myself, I can't be strong enough for the both of us.
So I will wait.
I will get by and trudge through this hectic and crazy world myself and continue to do the best I can, and whatever happens, happens. I'll write a letter if ever I need to bleed out again. It's not fun waiting, but it's essential.
But you already knew all of that, right?
Music: Where'd You Go? - Fort Minor